Last month, in all three villages, the 80th Anniversary of VE Day was commemorated, and I am sure many of you participated in some of these activities. It was a significant event.
It’s so important, isn’t it, to remember the lives of those who have gone before us; to recognise and acknowledge their impact and give thanks for all they have given and done for us.
One way we can do this is through funerals, which provide the opportunity to remember and celebrate the life of a loved one or friend. For me, it is always a privilege to conduct a funeral and walk alongside a family as they prepare to give their relative, or friend, the ‘send-off’ they deserve. A funeral, albeit a sad occasion, enables people to say their goodbyes, pay their respects and, often, hear some of the things about that person’s life that they, perhaps, hadn’t previously been aware of. It can, also, of course, offer the opportunity to commend that person into God’s loving care.
I recently attended an event organised by local funeral directors, where they were addressing the subject of ‘direct’ cremations and they gave us some facts about some of the national companies that advertise such cremations on television, some of which were quite concerning.
During that evening, in addition to the information about the ‘direct’ cremations, there was a bereavement counsellor present who shared something of her experiences.
I learned a lot from what I heard and would like to share something of what I discovered, in the hope that it might help you when you are considering the options, either for your own funeral or the funeral of a loved one.
The term ‘direct cremation’ refers to a cremation when the body of the deceased is taken directly to a crematorium and there is no service.
A ‘direct cremation’ can happen in different ways. It can be organised by a local funeral director or by one of the national companies that you may have seen advertised on television. If it is organised by one of our local funeral directors, it will take place at a local crematorium. There is no service but the wishes of the bereaved are considered in so far as they are able to see the person in the chapel of rest, request personal effects are placed in the coffin, are given information about the date and time of the cremation and can change the arrangement should they wish. I understand, however, that many of the companies that advertise on television, do not use local crematoria, unless a considerably higher fee is paid; instead, one of two places in the country is used and there is very little accountability for when the cremation takes place and little facility for personalising the occasion.
The bereavement counsellor who spoke at the event said that a funeral often marks the beginning of the grieving process for friends and relatives and she felt that, whilst some people select a direct cremation for themself for selfless reasons, they are sometimes denying those left behind the opportunity to pay their respects and begin that journey of grief.
The reason I am writing this is not to seek business for either the Church or for local funeral directors, but just to ask you to think very carefully about the funeral plans for yourself or a loved one. What may seem selfless to you because you don’t want to cause any trouble for your loved ones may, in fact, make their grief process more difficult to negotiate. I am very happy to chat these things through with anyone who wishes to discuss this, and I know that all of our local funeral directors would be willing to do the same.
If you are looking towards creating a funeral plan, one way to start is to ensure that the company that you are choosing to do this is a member of one of the Trade Associations of Funeral Directors, either SAIF, the Society of Independent and Allied Funeral Directors, or NAFD, the National Association of Funeral Directors. With regard to planning ahead, we also have booklets in all three of our churches which you are free to take and fill in should you wish to do so.
I do realise, in writing this, that there may be some people reading this that have already been through the process of a direct cremation for a loved one. If you are one of those people and feel that you would still like to mark the life of that person, please do feel free to contact me and I would be very happy to help you to organise a memorial service.
Take care and God bless,
Sue